That is all!
Thank you all!
See you next season!
Maybe in a month,
Maybe more…
I don’t know,
We will see…

Does anyone remember that French Toast Crunch cereal that looked like very tiny little pieces of French Toast?
Were those not BOMB???
A literally sweetly tasteful journey from when the milk hits the cereal to when you finish the cereal infused milk in the bowl.
Sadly this cereal brand has been discontinued in Canada, or at least I can’t find it.
Anywho, after a recent trip to David’s Tea, I discovered that they had a “Cardamom French Toast” tea.
It tasted very similar to the cereal mentioned above.
I then had a eureka moment.
What if instead of using hot water to make my tea, I used cold milk, and let the tea flavour the milk…
Verdict: the milk tasted exactly like the French toast crunch cereal infused milk.

For an added flair, try infusing your milk with some tea you like then make a cappuccino or a latte with the milk…
UNREAL…
it’s unreal.

Do you think people would stop voting for a politician if it came out that they liked pineapple on their pizza?

As promised: an unwanted continuation of the soup debate:

ARGUMENT 1: What about watermelon gazpacho? That’s basically a smoothie… if you drink watermelon gazpacho out of a cup you’re drinking a smoothie…
RESPONSE: Most watermelon gazpachos have tomatoes, salt, pepper, sometimes onions, sometimes some red wine, some basil if you’re feeling it… it’s a cold soup. It is not a smoothie you absolute pineapple.

ARGUMENT 2: But eating typically implies a utensil, In order to drink soup, you must do so from the bowl.
RESPONSE: I’d say eating implies chewing and swallowing. Drinking is just swallowing without any resistance from the liquid.

ARGUMENT 3: I would also argue that the vessel in which the soup is served makes a difference. A cup of soup is drank 100% of the time. A bowl of soup is eaten.
RESPONSE: If you put vodka in a cup or vodka in a bowl you drink the vodka, it does not matter if you use a spoon or not, you do not eat vodka because you are not chewing it before swallowing it.

ARGUMENT 4: Ok… You drink the broth but eat the rest of the ingredients of the soup… therefore you eat the soup.
RESPONSE: A broth is and I am quoting the “Dictionary.com” definition: A broth is a thin soup of concentrated meat or fish stock.
Given this argument if I could remind you that some soups don’t use meat or fish stocks, such as a watermelon gazpacho… you still drink the soup.

ARGUMENT 5: What about smoothies, chili or stew?
RESPONSE: … those are not soups and I refuse to acknowledge anyone who believes otherwise.

Though I haven’t talked about the topic of soup in a year, a month and two days… 398 days to be exact… a stupid soup related debate has been brought to my attention and I believe the topic would benefit from my full attention.

That debate being: DO YOU DRINK SOUP OR EAT SOUP.

Now don’t get me wrong I get how some may be misconstrued, believing that because you eat the contents of the soup, you are by extension eating the soup… sure I get how you can see that but… you’re wrong… VERY VERY WRONG.

If the majority of the content of your bowl or cup is liquid and the rest is solid (ie pieces of chicken swimming around) then you’re drinking it and at most… eating the solid ingredients but you’d have to be a sociopath to explain to people that you eat and drink a soup at the same time, you’d be a real soup agnostic.

Now if the majority of the content of your bowl or cup is solid and the minority is liquid, that liquid is not a soup… it is a sauce.

Now I can hear you being a smart ass and saying something like: oh what if I put a kale smoothie in a soup bowl… does it become soup?
No it’s still a smoothie…
You absolute waffle…
.
Also expect the next post’s caption to be soup related as well because GOD DAMN do I have lots to talk about!

Hey YOU!
Yeah you!
Are you looking for something to do next week that isn’t just staying home and watching Netflix?
Are you in the mood to enjoy some sweet sweet choreography and dancing, some pretty rad lights, awesome projections and dope sound?
Do you want to feel better about yourself because you’re supporting students and their art?
Well why not come on down to Ye Olde Ryerson Theatre next week (November 19th-23rd) and watch RYERSON DANCES!
Come to as many shows as you want… they won’t mind!
It’s fun for the whole family!
They aren’t kidding; bring all your friends and family!
Come out and support some very cool people!

You can find more info on their Instagram page: @ryersondance
The link to their tickets is in their bio!

Tom Waits, Tom Selleck, Jeff Bridges, James Earl Jones, Alan Rickman, Kevin Conroy, Michael Clarke Duncan, Sean Connery, Marlon Brando, Reg E. Cathey, and Ian McKellen.
These are all actors with A+ voices.
That is all.
This was a nice voice appreciation post.

Did you know that even though the new iPhone TV spots tell you that your iPhone is waterproof… putting it under water or cement will void it’s warranty?
They prefer the term water resistant…
Apple is obviously run by a bunch of silly geese in suits if you ask me…

Just remember that tomorrow is Halloween and it’s the only day where you can kill someone in cold blood and then go to a costume party without changing out of your outfit and no one will question you… probably…

For reference I don’t condone murder.

Unpopular opinion of the month:
Memory foam mattresses and pillows are not comfortable and I do not understand their appeal.

I love how your tone can really affect the message you’re trying to express…
1. Buddy you KILLED IT! = Good Job! Could not have done it better myself!
2. Buddy you KILLED IT! = Oh my GOD! They aren’t breathing! I’m calling an ambulance! You’re going to jail! Oh no… now I’m implicated! Aaaaaah I’m too young to go to jail! SOMEONE HELP!

I always wondered why Scooby Doo villains all had the same modus operandi.
You’d assume at least one would commit tax fraud, embezzlement and/or murder.
A bunch of kids getting in the way of a profitable business venture?
Have them arrested for trespassing?
I feel like a few of the antagonists would have some sort of mob affiliation. I’m sure that connection could probably make the Scooby gang go away without much effort… I’d personally watch a dark reboot of Scooby Doo.
You could call it:
Scooby Vice
Law and Order: Scooby Dooby Doo
Scooby Doo Bloods
CSI: Crimes Scooby Investigates

Did we end up stopping the fires in the Amazon?
No?
It’s still burning?
But we posted all those #OurLungsAreOnFire hashtags…
That… must have made a difference!
Right?

Canada just had its Federal Election and elected Justin Trudeau, and along with him, a minority liberal government.

The election campaign was tumultuous to say the least.
To get any bias out of the way I should clarify that I voted Liberal.
I voted for the Liberal party not because (and for reference these are reasons I’ve been hearing from others)
1. “Trudeau is attractive”
2. “He is the lesser evil” or “The devil you know”
3. “He’s not Scheer”
4. “NDP doesn’t stand a chance so I’m voting strategically”

I voted Liberal because I agree with the Liberal platform more than any other party.
This is not saying that there aren’t things in their platform I don’t agree with, or that there aren’t sections of the NDP and Green platforms that I prefer to the liberals.
The point is, I did my research and made a decision based on it.

This leads me to a few things that have been bothering me.
I’ve had many Liberal, NDP, and Green Party friends and acquaintances who willfully discounted the opinions of anyone who’s not voting for the same party as them.
People who vote for the right leaning parties such as the Conservatives party should have as much an opportunity to vote in the election as those voting for left leaning parties like the Liberals, NDP and Greens.

The amount of memes and comments online encouraging people who were intending to vote conservative to stay home and not vote… annoyed me.
If someone on the right told me to stay home and not bother voting, I can promise many people on the left would be up in arms and at that persons throat. Just because you don’t agree with them politically does not mean you’re right and they are wrong, they usually have a different perspective.

Now I can hear you saying… “but Maxim, are you saying that the People’s party deserves a seat at the table?”
To that I will say… uh no, they are a bunch of xenophobic nuts that would set us back decades if not a century.
But… and this is a large BUT… much like people who vote for a party you don’t agree with, trying to silence them will only create resentment. Try to hear their side, and try to educate them on why you think they are misinformed (try not to use the word “wrong” because it tends to turn people off from an opposing viewpoint because they may feel like you are not listening to them). ALSO… try not to come off as patronizing, people DO NOT like being looked down on.

Above all: BE PATIENT
If racism, xenophobia, sexism, transphobia, etc, could be de-educated over night, we would live in a very different world.

If people don’t listen to your viewpoint at first, try listening to theirs and find common ground where you can.

To my Liberal friends: you’re happy with the outcome. I also hope that you will listen to more NDP, Conservative, and Green voices to broaden your horizons.

To my Conservative friends: I hope you’re happy with having gained more seats. The people on the left, even though you’d probably say that they are too sensitive and a bunch of snowflakes, I can assure you that though you’re correct in many ways… the people on your side of the pond are no better. Let’s try to find commonalities and hopefully create a better future for all of us. If you’re sad… hey at least you won the popular vote?

To my NDP friends: rough night, though I’d agree that Toronto and large cities are pretty accepting… small towns tend to be more closed off to new ideas and platforms that don’t affect them directly.
Though Canada prides itself on being a multicultural haven and accepting of all races, I can assure you there are large communities all over the country where shameless discrimination is still very active.
Please don’t become apathetic. Fight for what you believe in!

To my Green Party friends: though you only won three seats… at least it’s one more then last time? Slow and steady wins the race?
Never stop fighting for the environment, this is our planet, we are all probably going to die on this planet… the question is: Do we really want to die sooner rather than later?

DEC 2022 UPDATE: JESUS I REALLY WAS AN ENLIGHTENED CENTRIST BACK THEN EH? YOU SHOULD STILL TRY TO LISTEN TO THE OTHER SIDE WITH COMPASSION BUT DONT COMPROMISE YOUR BELIEFS AROUND HUMAN RIGHTS IN THE NAME OF “COMPROMISE”…
IF SOME PEOPLE SAY:
“WE NEED TO KILL ALL (INSERT DEMOGRAPHIC)
AND THE OTHER SIDE SAYS:
“NO WE SHOULDN’T KILL ANYONE”
YOU SHOULDN’T COMPROMISE AND ONLY KILL SOME… STICK TO YOUR BELIEFS…

Guess I have to go turtleneck shopping again my dudes…
Anyone care to join me?

9 turtlenecks went into the wash…
Only 8 came out…
How mysterious…

It’s laundry day today!
Time to wash some turtlenecks!
Woop woop!

Mad my bitmoji can’t wear a black turtleneck.
Or a turtleneck in general.
.
May 2020 Update: they introduced turtlenecks and my bitmoji is rocking it!

Nothing is more aggravating than when Shazam doesn’t Shazam the song you’re looking for.

DEC 2022 UPDATE: 
MMMMMM NO THE WAR IN UKRAINE IS MAYBE A TAD MORE AGGRAVATING

Whatever happened to YIK YAK?
I remember it being an app on everyone’s phone.
Then one day… it vanished.
I wonder why it disappeared.

I feel like they should make left handed versions of all the hand gesture emojis…
🤙🤙…I have a left hand too Apple!

Some days I wonder if people who ask for an “approximate ETA” are aware that they are being redundant…
And some days I don’t.

I’m late! I’m late!

Hug the people you hold dear.

Apparently being sardonic does not mean being full of sardines… CAN you believe it?

People often say that if you’re not stressed you’re not doing well.
That’s bassackwards.
Try to deal with any stress that comes your way in a calm manner and you’ll be able to get rid of whatever is weighing you down… or at least a part of it.

The ancient Greeks had such a fetish for cruel punishments in their story telling.

For example:
1. Zeus chained Prometheus to a rock where eagles (or ravens, depending on the interpretation) would eat his liver every night. His liver would regenerate during the day and the birds would come back at night to eat his liver all over again. I wonder if they just ate them raw or did they have the liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti (or at least a similar wine)

2. Athena turned Medusa’s hair into snakes and her gaze the ability to turn anyone to stone. Why? Because Medusa was too “pretty”

3. Apollo gave Cassandra the gift of prophecy, but made no one believe her… which is incredibly ice cold.

Tell me: what makes a good manager?
I think the title of this picture is a better caption than the long anecdote I had planned.

I did my laundry yesterday and didn’t lose a single sock in the dryer!
Enjoy the little things in life.

Imagine this:
There will one day exist someone named Igor.
He will have no criminal record and his finger prints won’t be in any databases.
One day, in a freak accident, he gets decapitated.
How did it happen?
It is a long story we don’t have time for.
Luckily or unluckily, his body is recovered by a mad scientist named Gordon Oblin who was casually on a stroll when the incident happened.
The deranged scientist then successfully transplanted someone else’s head onto Igor’s freshly vacated neck.
The new head belonged to a criminal… let’s name him Tyler.
He too lost his head but in a different manner.
This too is too long a story for today.
Tyler recovers from the surgery and is released.
He goes on a crime spree.
Whose finger prints does he leave behind?
Is he officially two people at once?
Whose blood is pumping through the whole body?
Any answer is appreciated.

Quick Question Time:
Which fast food joint has the best fries?
What sauce would you pair said fries with?
Comment below,
Let me know!

Does Wolverine ever sharpen his claws?
Also does he use his claws when cooking?
How thinly could he cut garlic?
If he had to sharpen them would he do it himself?
Or go to a specialty shop given that adamantium is one of the strongest metals out there….?

>you’re out partying.
>last call is announced.
>you go pay your tab and bounce.
>you get in a taxi.
>they drive you home.
>they park.
>you check the time:
>2:45am
>$23 the taxi driver says.
>you pull out your wallet and give them two $20 bills because you don’t have anything smaller.
>they take the money and don’t give you any change…
>due to your slightly intoxicated state and fear of confrontation you exit the vehicle and stumble up the stairs of your home.
>you carefully try to get the key into the lock without missing.
>you miss.
>you try again.
>you miss again.
>thirdtimesthecharm.jpeg
>you miss again.
>you try again.
>you miss again
>an hour later.
>victory.
>you get inside and lock the door behind you.
>your pets and housemates are sleeping.
>zzzzzz
>you slowly make your way up the stairs without making a sound.
>you walk so slowly and quietly another hour passes.
>you reach the top.
>home stretch!
>you take one small step and land your foot on the hardwood floor ahead of you.
>a thunderous CREEEK echoes through the house.
>awwww.snap
>RUN!
>you lunge for your room and close the door behind you.
>you dive under the sheets.
>what a stressful few hours…
>you check the time:
>2:50am
>you fall asleep while pondering time travel.
>zzzzzzzzzz
>the end.

Hey whatever happened to all the McDonald’s mascots?
They were everywhere when I was young but now I cant see them anywhere.
Was the Hamburglar arrested?
Was Grimace shot into space?
Was Mayor McCheese arrested for tax fraud?
Did the police find bodies in Ronald McDonald’s backyard?
So many questions that will probably never be answered.

Why dont they serve spinach at Popeyes?
Asking for a friend.
This isn’t a sponsorship.

Ay ay ay?
Get it?
Eye eye eye?
Eye know eye know it’s a terrible pun… eye’ll show myself out.

People often assume that if you’re hiding behind a mask you’re probably hiding your true intentions.
The reality is sometimes people put masks to give themselves the courage to express themselves or get themselves through the day.
Is this caption too cliché?
Yes it is.

A pointless story:
.
Once upon a time there was a sailor.
He got on a his boat and set sail.
For several months he traveled.
Aboard his vessel he felt:
invincible, a God.
One day a storm came.
His ship hit rocks.
Down it went.
The end.
M

Anything can get distorted if you look at it through the wrong lens.
Especially the lens displayed below!
Ooooooweeee is it hard to see anything concrete through that glass.

Ok hear me out…
If let’s say I buy an extra large milkshake and can’t finish it…
Do I store it in the freezer or the fridge?
If I put it in the freezer the milk freezes.
If I put it in the fridge the ice cream melts and goes bad.
It’s a catch 22

What do you see?
A bird?
A plane?
A cougar?
An abstract concept mere mortals couldn’t comprehend?
A snake?
Something else?

Guess who finished theatre school?
A bunch of people.

Did you know that Steve Rogers’ nickname “Cap” is short for Capitalism?
Yeah me neither!
Avengers: Endgame opens tonight so get your merch and tickets while you still can!

UPDATE AFTER LEAVING THE THEATRE:
IT WAS FINE…
NOTHING TO WRITE HOME ABOUT BUT FAN SERVICE-Y FOR SURE

Does waking up on the wrong side of the bed make sense?
What if your bed is against the wall and you can only get out on one side… Are you doomed suffer bad days or good days forever?
What if you turn your mattress 180 degrees?

Back in black
I hit the sack
I’ve been too long I’m glad to be back
Yes, I’m let loose
From the noose
That’s kept me hanging about
I’ve been looking at the sky
‘Cause it’s gettin’ me high
Forget the hearse ’cause I never die
I got nine lives
Cat’s eyes
Abusin’ every one of them and running wild

Ever sit alone in a room for hours on end?
Maybe you’re working?
Procrastinating?
Meditating?
Are you trying to make sense of the world?
You concentrate on a single repetitive sound you are hearing in your surroundings.
An Air-Conditioner vent?
Drops of water, dripping from a hole in your roof?
How did that hole get there?
A tree branch?
A raccoon?
Does it have a family?
Does it have kids?
Is there such a thing as class in raccoon society?
Are you judged by the amount of trash you collect/eat?
Are there bourgeois raccoons?
I wonder if they would be/are snobby?
Do they only eat specific types of garbage from specific houses or restaurants?
“Oh I only eat my trash from the Thomson’s… they shop at Whole Foods… I only want what’s best for my kit (that’s what a baby raccoon is called look it up)”
Or
“I get my food mostly from the dumpster behind the Popeyes. Let me tell you… the scraps there are finger licking good… wait… is that KFC’s Slogan?” I wonder if trash pandas judge people who don’t properly separate their garbage from their recycling.

We live in a sad depressing world… try to find some joy when you can.

A few days ago I wanted to look up some pictures of a bunny named Ted. Cute bunny!
Small and black with those cute floppy ears you know?
So I opened my browser and googled GOOGLE (as you do).
I then entered my search query and all I kept getting was pictures of this creepy weirdo.
But no pictures of a bunny in sight!
I want to see pictures of TED BUNNY DAMN IT!

I find it odd that our society has such an odd fixation with serial killers… We see them in all sorts of medium; TV, Film, books etc.
Our society glorifies violence and we are shocked when monsters come out to grab their participation trophy.

Homophones are so funny to me.
They trip people up all the time.
There is the classic there, they’re, and their.
Your & You’re.
All ready/already.
Ducks/Ducts… it’s always fun when some ducks get stuck in your ducts.

But the one that has been driving me up the wall recently has been: a part & apart.

A PART means that you are a part of something.
Ex: I was bored, so I joined a club, I’m now a part of this club, and can’t escape.

APART is used when you want to exclude things or separate things at a defined distance.
Ex: My house and my School are about 8 klicks apart and I’m not bout that commute.

I was sitting at a pizza pizza or an other pizza parlour… I forgot which…and I was looking around the space.
I lock eyes with this 10 year old looking kid and the next thing I know they point at me.
They look at me with the most lifeless eyes imaginable.
They then put their index finger to the left side of their throat and moved it across the right side of it.

I mean I get not everyone likes my captions but a death threat from a 10 year old is new.

Does the Fillet-O-Fish still exist on the McDonald’s menu?
If yes, have you or anyone you know actually ordered this menu item?
If yes, was it any good?
Worth the purchase?
Out of 7 stars how would you (or they) rate the Fillet-O-Fish experience a 3.2…a 5.82… a 6.6?
Does partaking in the eating of this meal summon the coming of the apocalypse?
Stay tuned as I go find out for the betterment of mankind…

If there is no direct sunlight in hell… how do the demons and other creatures know when it’s the next day?
When the weekend is?
Do they get days off?
Do they get sick days?
Can they even get sick?
Are they unionized?
Does their salary increase if they are punishing someone truly evil because they need to put in the over time?
Do they get vacation days?
Where would they go while on vacation?
Probably some resort with a spa to help them de-stress.

Hey YOU! Yeah YOU! Happy Ferris Wheel Day!
You’d think I’m joking but today truly is the day in which we celebrate those amusement park contraptions that break down sometimes and strand people nearly 400 feet in the air for a few minutes giving them time to question their mortality.

Sorry people, my posting schedule has been thrown off due to the snow day yesterday…

What have you been up to in the past few weeks?
Months?
Years?
How’s life?
Good?
Bad?
Neither here, nor there?
Has your outlook on life changed drastically?
Why?
What is the philosophy/motto that helps you get out of bed?
Who inspires you to face the “scary” world outside?
Do you need someone to talk to?
Am I asking too many questions?
Maybe.

>What’s up Doc?
>Oh not much Mr Bunny, your tests came back… sadly you’ve developed an allergy to carrots… sorry my guy looks like you’ll never eat carrots or even baby carrots again whilst you live.
>oh that’s too bad, can I still feed on human flesh?
> sure, yeah go for it…but try not to eat the fatty parts, you want protein but we don’t really want you to gain too much weight now do we?

I have a question for the people who live or work on the 13th floor of a building where the elevator ignores and skips the number 13 and goes straight from 12 to 14…
My question is:
Do you feel safer?

Is the expression “third time’s the charm” teaching people that if they fail after more than 3 attempts they should give up?

If you go to bed near dawn…are you going to bed late or early?

If the eyes are the windows to the soul…
What is the door?

I wonder who started the whole orange doesn’t rhyme with anything myth…
I find it rather abhorrent.
I bet it was some pineapple with too much time on their hands…

Sleep is for the week…
…staying awake is for the weekend.

Often when people are overwhelmed and need air they say that they need space.
That is odd because there is no air in space.

Do you think flat earthers enjoy sparkling water?
Or do they purely drink flat water out of principle?

00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01100111 01101100 01100001 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00101110
Gold Star to whoever figures out what I wrote above^

Was the idea of hell created to keep us in line?
If there hypothetically was no punishment for our misdeeds after death… what’s stopping us from indulging our basic desires while still alive?

A few months ago I was standing on the subway commuting home. The time was more or less 1:48am give or take a minute or two…
We reach a stop and the doors open. Entering my field of vision directly in front of me I see a bag of McDonalds sitting upright.
It looks untouched.
What’s inside?
A McChicken?
A Big Mac?
6 Chicken Nuggets?
10 Chicken Nuggets?
Maybe a Sweet Chili Wrap….
I wonder if that person who let this bag go astray prefers his chicken crispy or grilled…
Probably bent down to tie their shoe and after being overcome with excitement from their freshly tied footwear they jog away leaving what may have been their dinner for the night.
What a bummer.
On the bright side that bag is free for the taking… Anyone in its immediate vicinity can take that bag and its components and go on their merry way with some potentially fresh but probably most likely soggy McDonalds… But hey at least it’s free?
You know what? I’m going to exit the train and…
The doors close and the train leaves… it’s still one of my biggest recent regrets that I didn’t exit the train to figure out what was inside the mystery bag.

I find the basis of knock knock jokes to be flawed.
If someone knocks at your door there are three options;
1. Open the door to see who it is.
2. If your house has one, check through the door’s peephole to see who it is and then decide to either follow option 1 or option 3.
3. Don’t open the door and pretend no one is home.
Either you’re expecting someone or something in which case you’d open the door as they knock or you’re not expecting anyone and you open the door to see who it is… because the unexpected knock peeks your curiosity.